The Doughboy

 

 

 

 

     Hello, it’s me, the Pillsbury Doughboy, master baker and criminal mastermind. Yeah, you heard right. I said criminal mastermind. No half-baked schemes from Pop n’ Fresh, here. Oh I know what you’re thinking, but you’re so cute with your little chef’s hat. Well stop thinking of me as warm and sweet. This spokes character is tired of being goody-goody. What could the little Doughboy do that’s so bad? Glad you ask.

     My job was to be a helper in the kitchen to half-wits who don’t know a thing about baking. One day I was showing Mrs. Brown how to make monkey bread with my lovin’ from the oven biscuits for her brood of imps. Basically I was doing all the kneading as sweat seeped from my hat, while she stared at me, telling me how she loved my blue eyes and commercials. Then her index finger went for my belly and I snapped.

     “Poke me and I poke your eye out,” I threatened holding a rolling pin.

     Well the Pillsbury Company weren’t too happy with me. They knew people would be horrified that a beloved “character” nearly attacked a woman. The incident was hush-hush. And I was allowed back into families’ homes. That’s when I realized I could rob these suckers’ blind. One day as I showed Mr. Green how to make pigs-in-the-blanket. I gingerly went upstairs and found jewelry. The family thought I was so cute when I had a string of Mrs. Green’s pearls wrapped around me. Then I told them to give me all their money. They just laughed. But that stopped once they heard the thunderous growl of my friend. The Jolly Green Giant. (We play pool every Friday night). Now let’s try this again give me all your money. People didn’t find me threatening, but a giant was a whole different matter.

     My next matter of business was to eliminate my competition, namely old woman Crocker. But I needed minions. Every criminal mastermind had one. I thought about the Gingerbread Man, but the Muffin Man told me he was loose cannon, with a gun. But I came into luck when I met with some disenchanted Keebler elves; they hadn’t had a raise in three years. So they became my minions. What did I do to Betty Crocker? Well my minions just shook her up a bit, to let her know who rules the baking industry. The Doughboy. And remember keep your index finger to yourself.

    

Bird/Oiseau

Oiseau

 

L’Alouette a trouvé sa chanson

Elle renaît de ses cendres

Tel un phénix

Laissant derrière lui le vieil oiseau

Elle est un nouvel oiseau

Un étourneau, mon chéri

Perché

Prêt à voler

Comme un aigle

Dans les nuages

Ailes éclaboussée de soleil

Le robin est gratuit

Elle a trouvé sa chanson

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bird

 

The lark has found her song

She has risen from the ashes

Like a phoenix

Leaving behind the old bird

She is a new bird

A starling, darling

Perched high

Ready to fly

Like an eagle

Among the clouds

Sun dappled wings

The robin is free

She has found her song

Fairy Catcher

Thistle must die.

            Die he must.

            Be gone.

            No more.

            Bridget tossed. She buried her head under her pillow but still she heard them. Voices. Whispers in the night. Raspy and cold.

            When shall it be done?

            Right away.

            No.

            During the solstice.

            That is best

            Best it is.

            Bridget opened her eyes. The voices were right outside her window. Slowly she rose from her bed. She approached the window with trepidation and a racing heart. The moon was full. Full and bright. Right below her window the moon spilled light on a cluster of toadstools.

            How shall it be done?

            Poisoned boysenberries.

            That is best.

            Best it is.

            Bridget gasped. The voices were tiny beings. Tiny beings with wings. “Fairies.”

            The fairies looked up with orange glowing eyes.

            Bridget froze. She heard stories about these creatures. There were two kinds: light and dark. Seelie and Unseelie. These fairies were shades of midnight, violet and charcoal with spider-webbed wings. “They’re dark ones.” Bridget knew this couldn’t bode well. She quickly shut the window. But the fairies were quick as flies (three of the four made it inside her room).

            Hemlock.

            The fairies glanced back at the shut out fairy. Hemlock hit his twiggy fist on the window, until an owl scooped down and carried him away.

            Hemlock.

            He is gone.

            Gone is he.

            “Sorry about Hemlock.” Bridget had backed into the edge of her bed.

            The fairies tore their attention from the window and back on Bridget.

            Silence child.

            Don’t speak child.

            The fairies hovered inches from her face. She could clearly see that two of the fairies were male.

            She has the Sight. This came from the lone female. She was of violet hue with gossamer curls.

            She heard our plans.

            Our plans she heard.

            “I’m not going to tell anyone. Who would I tell?” She glanced at the door, it seemed so far away.

            Probably a spy for Thistle.

            Spy for Thistle. The male fairies chimed. Their angular midnight faces were too close to her nose.

            She must be silenced, Safflower.

            Lentil, Flaxseed, I can’t harm a child.

            She mustn’t tell what she heard.

            What she heard.

            “Mom,” Bridget screamed.

            Safflower’s wings moved furiously and she squeezed her right hand into a fist.

            Bridget felt her throat tighten; her scream grew faint and stayed on her tongue. Tears swam in her eyes.

            Bridget’s mom called her name through the door.    

            Safflower unclenched her fist.

            “Honey are you alright?” The knob turned.

            Lentil and Flaxseed exchanged frantic glances. Then Lentil spoke in a voice that was all too familiar to Bridget. I am okay mother. Bad dream, all is well.

            Bridget’s mouth dropped. That was her voice.

            “Do you want some warm milk?” her mom asked. The knob stop turning.

            No thanks. I am already asleep.

            “Okay honey.”

            “Don’t leave mom.” Bridget’s voice was just a whisper in her ear. “My voice give it back.” She glared at Safflower.

            No voice.

            No tell.

            Bridget clenched her jaw. She glanced around her room for something to use against the fairies. There was her unzipped messenger bag in the corner. Today’s discarded clothes draped over a chair. On the dresser next to her bed was her art project. A bunch of feathers, strings and beads. A poorly made dream catcher. “Fairy catcher,” she said in a whispery tone. Keeping her eyes on the fairies, she deftly reached for the dream catcher. Before the fairies could twitch a wing, they were caught in the fairy catcher.

            Bridget stepped back, arms folded, watching the fairies futile attempts at escaping. Lentil’s lower wing became dog-eared.

            This is devilment.

            Devilment this is.

            Let us out. Safflower glowered at Bridget through a fringe of feathers.

            Bridget pointed to her throat. “My voice,” she rasped. “Give it back.”

            Lentil and Flaxseed shook their heads.

            Bridget flopped on the edge of her bed. She watched with a smirk on her face as the fairies continued to struggle. Lentil now had two dog-eared wings.

            Okay. Safflower has one hand free. She opened her fisted hand slowly like a budding flower.

            Bridget felt a cool tingling in the back of her throat. Then like a swelling sea her voice rose. “That’s better.”

            Free us.

            Bridget grabbed a pair of scissors out of her pencil bag. Snip. Snip. The fairies were free. They flew toward the window, Lentil not as high on the count of his folded wings. The window was closed.

            Let us out.

            “Gladly.” Bridget raised the window a sliver. The fairies slipped out. The three glared at her one more time before darting into the night. Bridget couldn’t shake the feeling that those fairies would try to get back at her somehow. But she was the fairy catcher and with that thought she went to bed.

***

            Bridget awoke to sun sparkles on her window. Tap. Tap. She blinked. The sun sparkles were tapping on her window. Bridget slid from under her covers. And sat on the edge of the bed.

            Bridget, it is Thistle.

            Plus Clover.  A female chimed in.

            Relief washed over Bridget. She opened the window. There standing on her windowsill were two members of the Seelie court. Thistle was shades of sunlight and transparent wings. Clover was blue as morning sky with bits of clovers in her French braid.

            What have you learn?

            “They plan to kill you with poison boysenberries.” Bridget felt her heart rushing toward her throat.

            Is there proof. Clover’s face was etched with skepticism. She might have the Sight but can she be trusted.

            “I have proof.” Bridget took a pocket recorder from behind her window curtain.  She pushed play.

            Thistle must die.

            Die he must.

            Be gone.

            No more.

            Bridget pushed the stop button. “I hope that is proof enough.” She placed the recorder in between the fairies.

            Clover looked white as a cloud. That is disturbing.

            Thistle bowed before Bridget. Many thanks. Vital information. You’ve stopped war among the fey clan. Need anything?

            Bridget thought for a moment about Lentil, Flaxseed and Safflower and how they could harm her, maybe she should ask for protection. She smiled. “I don’t need anything, just doing my part for all of human and fairy kind.”

            We wish you well.

            Well we wish you. The fairies flew away with the recorder. Bridget waited until they were gone before she began working on her fairy catchers. She might have stopped one war, but if word got out that she was an informant for the Seelie court, she would have dark fairies swarming her window. She smiled as she finished one fairy catcher. She wasn’t afraid she was the fairy catcher after all.