Archives for the month of: July, 2015

It has been a long time since I was a teenaged individual but I remember those days more so than my years in the twenties. Although the twenties is when there were actual songs I could relate to (thankyou, Avril Lavigne and Michelle Branch). Of course like today there are films aimed at teens, it was the same for me in the late nineties. She’s All That, Ten Things I hate About You, Clueless, etc. But of course since Hollywood glosses most things over, none of those teen movies reflected my life. There was no cute, dimpled faced boy who would smile and hold the hand of a girl with glasses too big for her face, skin populated with pimples and more timid than a rabbit. As a matter fact I would have had to been made over with a full make-up kit, silken locks, short shirt and ditched the glasses (like in She’s All That). Then dimple boy and all boys would fall sneakers over head for me, according to Hollywood. Because you couldn’t be uniquely yourself and have people like you. I know foreign concept.

But I didn’t buy into what Hollywood was selling. I knew some boy wasn’t my knight in shining armor (I’m talking to you fairytale) when teenaged boys and girls are barely kids but not yet adults, so why should we put pressure on ourselves to be mating and dating by the time we’re sixteen. And then you’re made to feel some like some bizarre creature because you don’t do those things. I was the teenaged girl without the boyfriend. Heck that weren’t even my friend (boys). But I didn’t feel like my world was collapsing because my crushes chose other girls. In a Hollywood film I would have been. But I never was boy crazy. I went to the mall, I never got or gave my digits. I would hear about all the girls taking about the fine boys that talk to all night on the phone. Half of me cared and the other half didn’t.

By the time my senior year came around I still wasn’t one half of a boy/girl duo, but it didn’t bother me. I wrote poetry, love the French language, and had an after school job for two years. Prom came around, I didn’t scramble for a date or wanted to lose my virginity (a staple in Hollywood teen films).  I went to prom stag. I was decked out in gold satin (the only time I have ever worn heels). I’m a flat and tennis shoe girl. So my teen years were like anything you would see on film, maybe Freaks and Geeks was truer to my life than anything else. I was awkward (still am). A book worm (still am). Didn’t grow up too fast. (No fake ids to get into clubs). My world isn’t collapsing because a guy hasn’t chosen me. I am able to decipher reel life from real life. And Hollywood doesn’t come close. (Don’t get me started on the whole need a date for a wedding thing).

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This is an into about me. “Who an I?” you ask. I’m spider….oh wait movie quote came into my head. I don’t even know if that from the movie. Anyways. My given name is Rosandra. I have an unspeakable nickname. I will not reveal it. I’m in my third decade of life. (more like the doldrums of watching drying paint). I am not nor have I’ve ever been the gregarious sort. I’m more of a loner. One-woman wolf pack.

I’m idiosyncratic and proud of it. A dreamer basking in her quietude. An aficionado of the written word. I find stupidity off-putting. I’m often underestimated but not deflated. I care, I’m filled with apathy, I smile, I scowl, I shed tears, I have fears. I need a rope to tug me out of my lackadaisical state.

I’m a story spinner, story teller, verse writer, I’m a bundle of creative energy. I am Rosandra.

Casting lines into rivers

I reeled my heart in a long time ago

Gazing at an esoteric moon

Thoughts tumble down the corridor

Maybe I think too much

And say too little

I would consult the tea leaves

But I threw them out

No cogs or gears

I wasn’t built for this

A sensitive soul

Tucked inside of a shell

No chasing trivial pursuits

The sun lost interest

The lines become taut with vicissitudes

The mask slips away

The stars watch

As I walk a straight line

In this crooked world